Why You Will Never Heal Yourself

But life will get better and better (even when it sucks sometimes)

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

Hey dear ones,

I know this is a weighty title and before you get angry at me for smashing your hopes of heaven on earth, let me explain what I mean.

Part of it is in the wording, which to me is a deeper reflection of our subconscious.

(because it points to the very part of us that is in the way of surrendering to the process of healing itself. The very idea of what 'heal-ed’ means and the grasping after that creates a tension that holds us back from 'heal-ing’, surrendering all concern).

First of all, I totally and 100 % believe that we are here to heal and that we can indeed change and transform our lives. But I do question the idea of being 'healed'.

To me, healing is a continuous process of life finding its natural state of balance. Of our soul reaching to ever-deepening alignment with love and truth and the divine.

To be healed however indicates a stagnant state of being. 'I'm healed' equals 'I'm done with growing' and the constant evolution of my being.

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Have you ever been on a slackline? I find it such a perfect metaphor for life and the act of staying conscious. The slackline that is life will always be wobbly. Even if you master staying on it (this beautiful balance between relaxation and concentration), you will never be able to just stop staying present without actually falling off.

That's life.

It asks us to continuously readjust ourselves to meet it. It requires us to constantly pay attention and to stay awake to it. And if you are staying awake to it, healing is the natural byproduct.

When viewing it from that perspective don't you instantly feel more compassionate towards yourself? Doesn't a big weight lift off your shoulders as the pressure to reach an endgoal disappears? I know it does that for me.

A soft long exhale, and a gentle smile on my lips. It's all ok.

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I'm writing this as a response to some interactions with clients and friends, where I feel there is this idea that once I do a) I will get to b) and then I will be able to live happily forever after. I will never have to deal with my shit again.

And here it is, the subtle grasping of the mind to reach an endgoal and finally be something, somewhere. But it's exactly this grasping, that keeps us away from truly letting go.

And I so get it.

Sometimes we are working on a pattern for years and we really feel that we got the hang of it and then WHAM here we go again on the rollercoaster of our …stuff.

Geezus f***, does it never end?

I had a moment like that recently. It was epic. I nearly threw my computer against the wall in frustration. Should have been recorded, honestly. I'm sure if I was an actress I would have gotten an Oscar for the best emotional release on camera, ever.

It was a build-up of events (where technology just turned against me in the most absurd of ways) in which I tried very hard to stay calm, to breathe, and to trust and surrender …without realizing how much I actually was holding on. Sounds familiar?

What was so humbling is to then have a session with my favorite therapist (who I introduced to you in my previous article, Maryanne) and find out that it was still my body holding onto the attachment with my mother.

On a cellular level, my body is terrified of letting go of the co-dependency between us. Terrified to the point that I will create all sorts of sabotaging behavior without knowing it. (it still fascinates me how everything is always related…you just can't make this up)

That realization was shocking. If only you knew me 20 years ago, you would know that I have come a helluva long way and I really felt I DID a good job.

And I did.

I just hadn't 'healed’. But I am healing. One layer at a time.

It's humbling and at the same time such a relief.
When I can accept that the job is NEVER done, I allow for grace and a softening. I allow for compassion. And some well-needed humor.

(So, yeah, me and mum'a got some stuff to work through still, even though I'm 38. Damnit. Here flush my illusions of enlightenment down the cosmic drain and I'm back to feeling 5 years old. Except for the better perspective that comes with being 1,70m tall and that does make a difference. :))

I speak to Maryanne and I feel reassured by the wise elder, who is 70 and still healing like all of us. I feel inspired by the gratitude that we, You and I, have this tremendous opportunity this lifetime to do this work. Even if it will take another 1000 lives to embody your buddha nature (if that's your goal that is), there is such profound joy and love in the process itself.

And that's the true healing: To enjoy the process of life, embrace it in its paradoxes, and love it in all its ranges and experiences, rather than try to reach a flimsy idea of something, somewhere, where we are perfect.

No, sweet friend, it doesn't work like that, and frankly, we wouldn't want it that way either.

This process of embodying, healing and growing is neverending. And yes, frustrating and painful as it may be sometimes, it DOES get better and better. Our capacity for giving and receiving love grows and it's worth it all. Trust that.

On that note, I will leave you with a beautiful video by meditation teacher Burgs, an inspiring reminder to let go of our need to broadcast ourselves and instead realign with what it means to live a virtuous life.

Remember to enjoy being wobbly on the slackline called life today!

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Kasia Patzelt is an Artist and Embodiment Coach. She helps people to release trauma and learn the art of self-compassion through embodiment practices and creativity.