The One Thing That No-one Talks About When it Comes to Trauma
Understanding the subtle energetics of trauma release that run the show
Hi there, dear tribe! This week a little deviation from the plan to write about creativity…but still a necessary ingredient to understanding more about what happens when we go on the journey of healing and expansion. I hope it brings some value!
Over the last 10 years or so the word trauma has slowly made its way into the mainstream consciousness. Most people don't brush it off anymore as something that happens to others far away in war-torn countries but have (at least a vague) understanding that it affects them too. It affects all of us.
In fact, if you look at the current state of the world you see the reflection of trauma as clear as sunlight. But let's not go there today.
Today, however, I want to speak to what I don't often hear being spoken about.
I want to speak about the subtle energetics of what happens when trauma starts releasing through your system.
You could call it The Yoyo Effect.
So let's take someone whose trauma comes from development (not someone who has experienced severe acute trauma like an accident). Trauma during childhood development leads to creating a personality pattern that serves as a survival mechanism.
Let's say you are being constantly energetically abandoned as a child. That will most likely lead to you creating a 'merging' pattern. The more that you merge with another, the less the likelihood that you will be abandoned again. Or so it seems.
But what constant merging with another does to a person is that they don't develop a strong sense of self, they literally don't know what it's like to stand on their own two feet. Feel their own core.
What does that mean for their daily life?
It means a lot of confusion, overwhelm, and frustration. If you are someone who is finding it hard to make decisions, to have a clear sense of 'this is where I'm going', but instead, you feel stuck with playing in your head with all the possibilities of what could you be doing…and the thought of choosing one makes you feel, yeah well, terrified. Then probably you do the merging pattern really well. (there are five core patterns by the way and the pattern is something we do, not who we are!)
You also probably shine when being with others and your empathic skills can be of service.
So now that we have an example, I want to finally mention what the challenge is.
(All of trauma work is of course much more complex than a 5 min article could ever go into, but here is one thing that I want to mention that I feel not many do that creates unnecessary suffering.)
The Yoyo Effect
Let's say you are doing your work on learning how to stand on your own two feet and using your merging pattern as a gift rather than a survival strategy (that creates suffering in your life).
You have worked with your trauma and you are getting a hang of it. You have felt the pain of abandonment underneath it, you experienced releasing the frozenness from your body, you are learning how to be in connection with another without merging (but from presence) and overall you start feeling: hey, I'm not as broken as what I thought, I got this.
Congratulations! You are doing amazing! It's not a small feat. It's really a courageous and brave journey to have come this far. Thank you. We need more of you.
The quality of your life experience improves, your relationships improve, the way you show up improves …and it all takes time, of course.
But then…even though you are doing so well, there are still parts in your life that you struggle with. There are moments you get utterly frustrated. And for some those moments lead to being really hard on yourself.
Ever had that experience?
Where you feel an expansion only to then find yourself back again in the trenches of your pain?
You felt an opening in your body, you felt great, strong and clear, and excited. And the next moment it's all gone and you feel like a little kid again, confused, scared, and agitated? Negative, frustrated, and in despair?
There is a reason for this yoyo effect that doesn't often get spoken about in our world that is so focused on expansion. In our western mind expansion is what we want. It's desirable. Whereas contraction isn't.
This is why many of us go around in circles. We want to expand, expand, but when the natural contraction happens it hits us unexpectedly and we judge ourselves for it.
So what exactly happens on a subtle energetic level?
Your body is a channel of energy. Your trauma determines how much energy it is safe to feel. When you have been disconnected from your 'feet' (as an example) all your life, there is only so much energy that moves through you.
When you feel safe, you experience an opening and more energy starts moving through you! You feel your feet touching the ground, it feels amazing, you are on top of the world, powerful, unstoppable, clear…well, the next thing that happens is that the frozen tissue of your body starts releasing too. And it starts releasing its content. And The content is what made you go into freeze in the first place.
Yep, that means it's showtime for all your terror!
You probably wouldn't call it that because you might not be aware of your 'terror' as it's very deeply held in your body. But what you may experience is a sense of collapse. You may feel tired. Unsure of yourself. Doubt creeps in. You might experience anxiety or …none of it. But instead of going along with that amazing project or relationship, you might just abort, sabotage, or close in any other number of ways.
I remember when I was in High School, my art teacher suggested for me to submit a body of work for the chance of winning a scholarship of some sort.
First I was so excited! Wow, I'm being recognized, picked out of the crowd, and supported to expand in my artistic pursuits.
I think by the time I got home, I was shaking with anxiety and dread. I went into a complete freeze and to cut the long story short, I just didn't do it. Every time she asked me I just floundered around and eventually missed the deadline.
That was my first experience of the inner saboteur that is nothing other than the content of your past rearing its head.
Of course, if I had known back then what I know now I would have dealt with it in a completely different way.
I would have anticipated the dip. I would have allowed myself to feel it and not judge it. I would have received it with open arms and I would have soothed myself through it.
But I had no idea about those things back then. Instead, I felt like a loser. And I just berated myself for sabotaging myself. Carrying that story of 'I'm not deserving of opportunity because I'll just fuck it up anyway' way into my adulthood. The questions: What's wrong with me? Why can't I just go for it? constantly nagging at my subconscious.
Self-compassion is key
It's great to release and to expand. It's absolutely necessary to experience ourselves in an open energetic state. To feel more energy moving through our system. But, and it's a big but, we do set ourselves up for unnecessary suffering if we don't understand that everything in nature moves through the cycle of expansion and contraction.
Also trauma release.
If we expand and get attached to that state, feeling: this is who I want to be ALWAYS, then we miss out on true healing.
There is medicine and wisdom in 'contraction'. When we meet that part of the cycle with our understanding and compassion, we can grow beyond the high of just expansion. We can learn to love ourselves back to wholeness.
It's easy to feel good about ourselves when we feel good. It's much harder (and therefore goes much deeper) to love ourselves when we are in fear and insecurity.
When the content of our frozen tissue inside starts releasing, that's when we can truly see how far we have come in our practice and healing.
Can you meet this part with self-compassion? The way you would meet a 5-year-old in pain? Without judging yourself that you are feeling this way again? Can you hold this part of you with understanding and kindness, making it feel safe and welcome?
Rather than feeling impatient and annoyed that you are feeling this way again, and that there is something wrong with you?
What if this part will never change? What then? Will you stay stuck in self-criticism for the rest of your life?
Understanding these subtle energetics of trauma release can help us tremendously to not create unrealistic expectations.
That's the real sabotage: to expect something of ourselves that is impossible to live up to.
But what if you knew that after each opening there is going to be a closing. And what if you were not scared of it? But welcomed it as a space for rest and integration, a moment to become more intimate with the most vulnerable parts of yourself?
Wouldn't that change the story that you tell yourself? At least I really hope it does.
If you like what you read, you can buy me a coffee! Thank you!
Kasia Patzelt is an Artist and Embodiment Coach. She helps people to release trauma and learn to art of self-compassion through embodiment practices and creativity.
The One Thing That No-one Talks About When it Comes to Trauma
This really resonates! Thank you.