That 'One Moment' That Changed My Life
What healing truly means and why I'm SOOO excited to share this story with you
Raise your hand if you, like me, get so much more excited about stories than just consuming more information or 'how-to-this-and-that’ articles (I know I'm guilty of writing those, too..). I can read about someone's insight and go yeah yeah yeah (tell me something new) inside my head…whereas as soon as that person tells me their stories, I come fully alive. I get activated.
I'm literally hanging on their lips! Tell me more!
So with that, I want to share a story with you. This story is an introduction to a guest writer whose story I am honored to share on this channel next week. It's someone I have learned most of what I know about healing and embodiment from. Someone who has an incredible gift of intuition and combines it with humbleness and integrity that is very very rare to find. So here it goes, I hope you enjoy!
I was 21. I had been studying Remedial Massage Therapy at the Australian Institute of Holistic Medicine in Perth and as part of the course, I had to do an elective. I chose 'intuition in healing' offered by Maryanne Sea.
To be honest, I wasn't buying it. I mean, I liked her, and maybe there was even truth in what she was saying, but most of the time I was just sitting in class thinking to myself: This is not for me. I'm not a visual person (she had us do different visualizations). My intuition sucks. I don't know how to drop in, tune in or whatever it is that you are meant to do. I can't do this.
So I was sitting in resistance two hours a week for the almost entire 8-week course. Except for the week before last. I remember that something had shifted. I don't exactly know what it was, but I felt some resolve, a determination in me. Now I think it was some inner fire, that said, I WILL NOT MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY, as if my life depended on it. It must have been my soul nudging me.
So here I was with the more fiery energy inside of me. And again, Maryanne made us do a meditation. Focusing on our chakras. This time, instead of being entirely in my head, something inside said: what if I just gave it a go? What if I trusted and allowed?
Maryanne made us go through all the chakras and then intuitively give them a number from 1-to 10 reflecting how open they were. (10 being fully open).
After going through all of them we were supposed to go back to one that felt closed and just gently rest our attention on the area.
I went back to my solar plexus, the area around the diaphragm, the third chakra. As the number, I had given it was only a 3. I still doubted every single decision I made, still having this loud blaring voice inside of me: you have no idea what you are doing Kasia, you are a loser, you never will get it right, etc…
But with the new energy inside of me I chose to, just for that moment, ignore it and be curious instead.
What happened next, I can only describe as Grace.
Because you see, we can never force healing. But we can create an environment that can allow it to happen. The rest is up to a much higher intelligence than ourselves.
So that's what happened: I was touched by Grace.
As I rested my attention gently on the tight knot in my upper belly, I started seeing images. Images from my daily life, where I had held myself back. I remembered one image of something that had happened recently: I had been standing at a bus stop and an elderly lady in front of me dropped a bag or needed some help. My instant impulse was to reach out and help but I didn't. The freeze in my body stopped me mid-way. Instead, I only heard the voice: are you sure this is the right thing to do? You are going to embarrass yourself!
I had many images like that flash in front of my inner eye and as I stayed with the feeling of it, I was overcome by a profound sadness … at that moment it became so clear to me, how much I stopped my life force from flowing by always listening to this doubtful voice inside. And how painful that was!
It was the first time in my life that I dropped beneath the mind’s chatter and felt the pain stored in my tissue. And this is when the tissue relaxed and opened and I can only describe it as the floodgates opening.
My whole body started shaking and buzzing!
By me embracing the pain, my life force started flowing again and I was washed over with an incredibly powerful energy that made me cry and laugh all at the same time. There was snot coming out of my nose but I didn't care. I could feel my body the way I had never felt before. It was alive!
I was alive!!! OMG, I WAS ALIVE!!!!!
All I wanted was to shout out with joy and excitement and express the pure intensity of it!
And I did. At this moment it didn't matter that I was in a classroom and surrounded by other students trying to quietly meditate. This was the first time I felt fully here, in truth, in love, and no one, no shame, and no inner critic was going to take this away from me!
I felt my body so clearly, every single little contraction inside. It was pinpoint clear. Here I was holding, and here and here. And omg here too…but feeling it felt so good! There was no story anymore, just a pure vibrating sensation.
My emotional release lasted a good half hour or so and Maryanne helped me professionally to ground this energy and to contain it, so it wouldn't overwhelm my Nervous System entirely.
Life has never been the same since.
That experience healed so much within me, but above all, it gave me a direct experience of what it means: we are all energy. We are all one.
There is literally more to life than meets the eye. It was like taking the red pill and being catapulted into another dimension. Like I was once blind and now could see. Amazing grace.
That was truly the beginning of my healing journey.
Since then I have sought out the support and counsel of Maryanne many times and I can only say, I wouldn't be here, the person that I am without her loving support, intuition, and wisdom. And the incredible faith she had in me (and all her clients). For if she could do it (heal), everyone could. And to have someone be so confident in your ability to stay in your body even in the most terrifying of moments when everything inside of you screams NO! is a precious, precious gift.
Thus Maryanne helped me to navigate the maze that is oftentimes our unique trauma. Because no one size fits all!
She introduced me to the 5 personality patterns and
helped me make sense of why I felt so confused in life so much of the time (because as a merging pattern my feet hardly touched the ground) and above all, she taught me that the biggest healer is love and that we indeed can be wounded but that we are so much more than our wounds too.
So with this introduction, I hope you will enjoy Maryanne's own story and the gold that she has to offer about embodiment.
Maryanne has a very unique perspective and understanding because her trauma took on the form of severe environmental illness and sensitivity that nearly killed her many times.
But like with all life's challenges, this also allowed her to cultivate a gift: sensitivity and intuition that allows her to feel the tissue of another being, whether that's an adult or a baby in utero, to understand if that tissue is closed and what it needs to open again.
I will publish her story next week! So watch out for the article: Embodiment Before Birth in your inbox and have a great weekend!
If you like what you read, you can buy me a coffee! Thank you!
Kasia Patzelt is an Artist and Embodiment Coach. She helps people to release trauma and learn the art of self-compassion through embodiment practices, breathwork, and creativity.