We hide a lot of things, for different reasons. We don’t want to be judged or disliked. Social pressure, family, and upbringing hold us back in this process, paradoxically. One day we realize it was wrong, brutally wrong. I realized this last year after being a people pleaser, watering myself down for others for years until I reached a point of no return. I ended my long relationship, I’m raising my teenage daughter, and I’m trying to rebuild myself afterward. It’s tough, but honestly, for the first time, I feel like everything is okay. I chose myself, and I’m enjoying the present moment. Love is beautiful when there’s unconditional support, trust, and no performance required. Thank you Kasia for your article and your thoughts. 🙏🌹 Have a great Sunday ahead.
I can complain or I can move forward. Yes it’s painful but life is not easy at all. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. I chose to move forward regardless of my all failures. This lesson was well learned. Thank you for your time and long response. It’s much appreciated Kasia 🙏🌹
Definitely complaining doesn’t help…but sometimes we need to allow ourselves to truly feel how challenging things are/have been to allow the heart to soften into compassion for ourselves. …I truly hope you have the support that a process like yours needs 🙏🏻❤️
Hey Arek, thanks for leaving a comment and sharing so openly where you are at. I can imagine how it’s a lot. That step of changing a pattern, leaving a long term relationship and rebuilding oneself….I feel you. And how even though it’s challenging, you wouldn’t change it for a second….indeed there is nothing more precious than living in truth with oneself. Worth every tear, heartbreak and pain. Also, like you say: as long as we have people around us that can truly be and listen and feel us, it all becomes more bearable. I hope you have those people around you. If not, you know where to find me 🥰
I deeply resonate with this. I used to use the word Love often, and now I hesitate. Because I'm aware of all the baggage that comes with it, and that it's basically a buzzword so many relate to through wishful thinking and various ego delusions.
The New Age portrayals of it almost make me feel sick - I can no longer say that all of reality is made of it or that it will save us single-handedly. I see it as one force/reality amongst others, and I can't use it to blind myself to all the separation, cruelty or pain in this world anymore. I can't use it to spiritually bypass, either.
Actually opening the spiritual heart is quite different from living in a sentimental, positive-emotion, ego-fused state of using spirituality as a replacement stuffed animal to compensate for loneliness and trauma. The former opens us to everything, to seeing how reality actually is; the latter is just adorning oneself with fancy glasses and indulging in yet another fantasy.
Hey dear, thanks for commenting. I hear you. I went through the same process of being sickened by the New Age whatever that is out there. And seeing through all what’s not integrated/bypassed/disowned etc in the only positive vibes- world is …a big process. Painful, infuriating, repulsive. …The thing you say though: Love is one reality among many others. Hm. I understand what you are saying and pointing towards. But I have a subtle sense of (maybe you have come across this term before): enchantment with disenchantment. Because for me Love is still the underlying reality of everything. Not just a reality next to another. Love is the glue that holds the universe together. And love could save the world. It’s just that we lack maturity in understanding or seeing love for what it truly is. So when we start maturing from our childlike wishful thinking into what love truly is, we undergo a similar process as when we wake up from the fantasy that our parents are perfect and we see them (reality) as it truly is. That part is where we have to watch out to not get stuck in the enchantment with disenchantment. It really helped me to makes sense of this heart maturation process when I learned about stages of human development. And it helped me to forgive the BS and all the illusion and to open my heart at a different level. One that is grounded and discerning. That can see what is not working, feel the pain of that and still lean into it…still remember love underneath it all (even if it feels it might destroy me and everything in me wants to scream…there is love in that, too). I’m wondering if my words now resonate too. Warm embrace to you.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. Yes, it is definitely about gaining a more mature understanding about what love truly is. And from my perspective, we can't get there without spiritual awakening because otherwise ego remains in the center of it. I guess I'll remain agnostic for now about how love plays into the greater metaphysical reality because I'm no longer interested in clinging to belief or sentimentality. Maybe you are right. I just need the direct experience. Without my ego subtly trying to convince me that everything is about love or the opposite. Just seeing what is.
100%…I love that. Two quotes come to mind: there is no such thing as a true belief. And: the truth will set you free. Which is exactly what you are pointing towards. When love is still a concept of the mind, an idea of the ego…however subtle that may be, it is not the love we are talking about here. …we can only truly experience it through the heart, i mean the physical heart. It is something that doesn’t just happen… it needs to be purified and activated. And no wishful thinking can compensate for that. But once it happens…by grace almost as a gift, everything looks and feels very different. …it’s a matter of keeping that possibility alive without succumbing to the fantasy of ego, as you say. Self honesty is the most valuable quality to cultivate on the path. Thanks for this chat, I appreciate it 🙏🏻
Yes. I entirely resonate with that! It's refreshing to talk to someone with spiritual common sense. These truths are simple, but rarely are they embodied.
This is beautifully honest. What you are naming, to me, is the difference between love as language and love as lived coherence. Many people can speak beautifully about love, heart, frequency, and awakening, while still missing the ordinary humane gestures through which love becomes real. That gap between the ideal self and the lived self is not hypocrisy in every case; often it is simply the conditioned ego using sacred language before the heart has fully become compass. I especially appreciate your point that some of the most heart-embodied people do not call themselves spiritual at all. That feels important. Love does not need a spiritual identity to be present. It shows itself in warmth, attentiveness, patience, kindness, and the quiet capacity to remember the living person in front of us. My work with severe trauma might say it this way: love is not something we perform our way into. It is what begins to move through us when the human system is no longer organized around fear, image, or self-protection. The word matters less than the coherence it carries. And when the word and the life finally match, the heart no longer has to cringe. It recognizes home.
Thanks for commenting Ernie. Everything you say: exactly! the word matters less than the coherence it carries. And once there is that: coherence, we can all exhale and rest. Then words flow from a different place within …carry a different vibration, touch us differently, and we simply feel home, like you say.
We hide a lot of things, for different reasons. We don’t want to be judged or disliked. Social pressure, family, and upbringing hold us back in this process, paradoxically. One day we realize it was wrong, brutally wrong. I realized this last year after being a people pleaser, watering myself down for others for years until I reached a point of no return. I ended my long relationship, I’m raising my teenage daughter, and I’m trying to rebuild myself afterward. It’s tough, but honestly, for the first time, I feel like everything is okay. I chose myself, and I’m enjoying the present moment. Love is beautiful when there’s unconditional support, trust, and no performance required. Thank you Kasia for your article and your thoughts. 🙏🌹 Have a great Sunday ahead.
I can complain or I can move forward. Yes it’s painful but life is not easy at all. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. I chose to move forward regardless of my all failures. This lesson was well learned. Thank you for your time and long response. It’s much appreciated Kasia 🙏🌹
Definitely complaining doesn’t help…but sometimes we need to allow ourselves to truly feel how challenging things are/have been to allow the heart to soften into compassion for ourselves. …I truly hope you have the support that a process like yours needs 🙏🏻❤️
Hey Arek, thanks for leaving a comment and sharing so openly where you are at. I can imagine how it’s a lot. That step of changing a pattern, leaving a long term relationship and rebuilding oneself….I feel you. And how even though it’s challenging, you wouldn’t change it for a second….indeed there is nothing more precious than living in truth with oneself. Worth every tear, heartbreak and pain. Also, like you say: as long as we have people around us that can truly be and listen and feel us, it all becomes more bearable. I hope you have those people around you. If not, you know where to find me 🥰
I deeply resonate with this. I used to use the word Love often, and now I hesitate. Because I'm aware of all the baggage that comes with it, and that it's basically a buzzword so many relate to through wishful thinking and various ego delusions.
The New Age portrayals of it almost make me feel sick - I can no longer say that all of reality is made of it or that it will save us single-handedly. I see it as one force/reality amongst others, and I can't use it to blind myself to all the separation, cruelty or pain in this world anymore. I can't use it to spiritually bypass, either.
Actually opening the spiritual heart is quite different from living in a sentimental, positive-emotion, ego-fused state of using spirituality as a replacement stuffed animal to compensate for loneliness and trauma. The former opens us to everything, to seeing how reality actually is; the latter is just adorning oneself with fancy glasses and indulging in yet another fantasy.
Hey dear, thanks for commenting. I hear you. I went through the same process of being sickened by the New Age whatever that is out there. And seeing through all what’s not integrated/bypassed/disowned etc in the only positive vibes- world is …a big process. Painful, infuriating, repulsive. …The thing you say though: Love is one reality among many others. Hm. I understand what you are saying and pointing towards. But I have a subtle sense of (maybe you have come across this term before): enchantment with disenchantment. Because for me Love is still the underlying reality of everything. Not just a reality next to another. Love is the glue that holds the universe together. And love could save the world. It’s just that we lack maturity in understanding or seeing love for what it truly is. So when we start maturing from our childlike wishful thinking into what love truly is, we undergo a similar process as when we wake up from the fantasy that our parents are perfect and we see them (reality) as it truly is. That part is where we have to watch out to not get stuck in the enchantment with disenchantment. It really helped me to makes sense of this heart maturation process when I learned about stages of human development. And it helped me to forgive the BS and all the illusion and to open my heart at a different level. One that is grounded and discerning. That can see what is not working, feel the pain of that and still lean into it…still remember love underneath it all (even if it feels it might destroy me and everything in me wants to scream…there is love in that, too). I’m wondering if my words now resonate too. Warm embrace to you.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply. Yes, it is definitely about gaining a more mature understanding about what love truly is. And from my perspective, we can't get there without spiritual awakening because otherwise ego remains in the center of it. I guess I'll remain agnostic for now about how love plays into the greater metaphysical reality because I'm no longer interested in clinging to belief or sentimentality. Maybe you are right. I just need the direct experience. Without my ego subtly trying to convince me that everything is about love or the opposite. Just seeing what is.
100%…I love that. Two quotes come to mind: there is no such thing as a true belief. And: the truth will set you free. Which is exactly what you are pointing towards. When love is still a concept of the mind, an idea of the ego…however subtle that may be, it is not the love we are talking about here. …we can only truly experience it through the heart, i mean the physical heart. It is something that doesn’t just happen… it needs to be purified and activated. And no wishful thinking can compensate for that. But once it happens…by grace almost as a gift, everything looks and feels very different. …it’s a matter of keeping that possibility alive without succumbing to the fantasy of ego, as you say. Self honesty is the most valuable quality to cultivate on the path. Thanks for this chat, I appreciate it 🙏🏻
Yes. I entirely resonate with that! It's refreshing to talk to someone with spiritual common sense. These truths are simple, but rarely are they embodied.
This is beautifully honest. What you are naming, to me, is the difference between love as language and love as lived coherence. Many people can speak beautifully about love, heart, frequency, and awakening, while still missing the ordinary humane gestures through which love becomes real. That gap between the ideal self and the lived self is not hypocrisy in every case; often it is simply the conditioned ego using sacred language before the heart has fully become compass. I especially appreciate your point that some of the most heart-embodied people do not call themselves spiritual at all. That feels important. Love does not need a spiritual identity to be present. It shows itself in warmth, attentiveness, patience, kindness, and the quiet capacity to remember the living person in front of us. My work with severe trauma might say it this way: love is not something we perform our way into. It is what begins to move through us when the human system is no longer organized around fear, image, or self-protection. The word matters less than the coherence it carries. And when the word and the life finally match, the heart no longer has to cringe. It recognizes home.
Thanks for commenting Ernie. Everything you say: exactly! the word matters less than the coherence it carries. And once there is that: coherence, we can all exhale and rest. Then words flow from a different place within …carry a different vibration, touch us differently, and we simply feel home, like you say.